Finding My Happy Weight and Learning to be Happy With It
Before I start, let me just say how hard it is to talk about your weight, as a woman. In fact, I was uncomfortable just writing that sentence. However, body image issues are so important to me and I’m blessed to have a platform where I can share my experience and my struggles. Ultimately, if I can make just one person feel better about themselves, feel like they aren’t alone, feel beautiful and confident and happy then putting myself out there is worth it.
So here it goes:
All our lives, we’re told that with enough hard work you can transform yourself to look however you want. Spend enough time, money, blood, sweat and tears and you too can have: a perfect butt, a flat tummy, a thigh gap, or whatever other body part we’re supposed to have a perfect version of. Not only that, but we’re also told that looking a certain way means you’re a certain kind of person: “If you’re skinny you’re healthy, if you’re muscular you’re hard working, and so on.”
And I totally bought it. I mean, it doesn’t take long to experience first hand, how much value is placed on a women’s appearance, especially her weight. Who hasn’t thought “if I only looked like X I’d get more: attention, respect, approval, etc.” I know I have. And the reason this whole fallacy is so harmful is that it conversely projects if you don’t look a certain way, that it’s by choice, not because you’re a unique human being with a unique body shape.
But guess what? That’s total bull shit. I spent far too many years, trying to fit myself into a box that I thought looked healthy on the outside. I treated my body like a math equation. I meticulously counted calories, measured ounces and portions to be a certain number on a scale that I thought I had to be. In my mind, healthy was defined by a number. If I could hit a number, I could be healthy, If I could be healthy, I could be happy. I allowed the calories I ate to dictate my self worth. I feared that if I gained weight (healthy or not) people would lose respect for me, that I wouldn’t be seen as healthy.
I wish I could tell you that a light bulb went off, that I had an epiphany, that one day I woke up and realized I was going about everything backwards, but there wasn’t one moment. Instead, it’s taken me years to flip my mentality inside out.
That’s where happy weight comes in. Your happy weight isn’t a number, but an equilibrium. It’s allowing your body to be itself. For some people, that’s tall and slim, or petite, or curvy, or athletic or whatever, the point is healthy isn’t one thing. It’s not one size or one shape or one weight.
To find my happy weight I had to forget about what I thought I had to look like. I had to reconcile that how I look is probably one of the least interesting thing about me. I have talents and passions and big dreams that are 1000% more worth my time than the box I was trying to fit in.
For me, finding my happy weight meant I had to stop counting. I had to stop counting every calorie I ate, measuring every portion and weighing myself. I haven’t stepped on a scale in over a year. I technically have no idea what my actual weight is right now, but I’m the happiest and healthiest inside and out.
I learned to move and sweat because it feels good. I learned to eat the food that makes me happy not because it had x amount of calories. It so happens that these foods that make me feel good are mostly veggies, nuts, fruit, beans, seeds, fish, eggs but once and a while they’re scones, grilled cheeses and margaritas. But because I’m taking care of my mental health, resting and nourishing my body those little indulgences balance out. My body wants to be at equilibrium and I’ve stopped fighting it.
I won’t tell you that finding your happy weight is easy. It’s not. But I can promise that it’s worth it. Why? Because I can promise that you’re worth it.
- I don’t have any questions, but I’d love to hear your thoughts <3