6 Practices for Turning Jealousy into Positive Energy
Can we talk about jealousy for a second? I think we can agree it’s one of the most uncomfortable feelings. It can feel like a toxic energy at times bringing out our worst thoughts and fears. I personally hate feeling jealous.
When I’m at my best I feel incredibly supportive of both the folks I know and love as well as people I see from afar. I know the universe is incredibly abundant and that the whole pie is growing infinitely so there’s always more.
But I’m not always at my best. And sometimes I see both people I know and love and folks from afar doing really cool shit and I beat myself up. Why didn’t I think of that? Why didn’t I get that opportunity? Am I better than that? I deserve that. There’s not going to be enough for me. You know, that classic fear-based scarcity mindset thinking.
In the past when I felt that shitty scarcity jealousy feels which conjured up even more negative thoughts I’d do my best to suppress it. “You’re better than that Georgie.” Tamp that shit down before you ruin your day. Turns out pushing things down usually doesn’t really get rid of the issue or the feeling. It’s like shoving all your dirty unfolded clothes into your closet and pretending your room is clean. The reality is next time you need some clothes and you reach into the closet the mess comes right back.
Well emotions, and for me, jealousy, in particular, does that. If I try to push it away, my space is only temporarily clean, the real issues always come back.
So I had to find a better way of dealing. I didn’t want to dive into the negativity and downward spiral of emotions that jealousy brought and I knew I couldn’t shove it into my metaphorical mind closet. So what else could I do?
What if jealousy wasn’t the worst thing in the world? What if the energy behind jealousy could be channeled into something constructive, something positive. Spoiler alert: it can.
One of the best parts of being able to reframe and positively channel jealousy is that it takes away its power. I’m not afraid of feeling jealous anymore. I don’t judge myself and I don’t feel like a nasty person. I now have the tools to use my jealousy constructively.
I’d like to share those with you.
6 Practices for Turning Jealousy into Positive Energy
Practice 1: Recognize That Jealousy Doesn’t Have to Be Bad.
One of the most powerful jealousies disarming tools is recognizing that it’s just energy and you can make it good or bad. It’s just like labeling foods good or bad. The power you give them is up to you.
Also, know that it’s 100% human to be jealous. We all are. The people you’re jealous of? They’re jealous of someone else. I know. I know. So instead of thinking “I’ll only be happy when I get XYZ that @cute_insta_friend has” understand that you’ll actually only be happy when you focus on being happy.
Rather than letting jealousy be a force for negative comparison think of jealousy as the trigger of desire. If it makes you jealous it’s for a reason. It’s like the sparkly thing in the shop that catches your eye. There’s a reason you like it. It could be some deep shit that your soul is latching onto, or maybe it’s literally something sparkly and you can’t look away. Desire is a much nicer way of saying jealousy but it’s pretty much the same thing.
Also, we tend to romanticize the lives of those we’re jealous of, but they’re dealing with their own *ish too. They are. So yeah they have that super cute dog that you just want to cuddle in your arms but who knows, they also could have got their car towed today or broken up with their boyfriend or have a gnarly zit. We don’t know these things. We can only see the puppy.
Practice 2: Ask Some Questions About Your Jealousy
Ok, awesome. We’ve realized that our jealousy isn’t about the other person. It’s us! It’s a great piece of self-knowledge. We now know that a puppy is something we’d like at some point in our lives. Also good news, there’s no puppy shortage so we’re in great shape.
The next step is to dig a little deeper into the desire to see what it’s all about. Here are some questions & reminders you can ask to learn more about why you have a desire and whether it’s worth focusing on.
- “I can have that too if I want to” (I have the power to have a puppy)
- “there’s actually enough for everyone” (there is no puppy shortage)
- “why do I want that?” (why do I want a puppy?)
- “do I really want it or do I like the idea of it?” (not everything about having a puppy is glamorous)
- “there must have been sacrifices to get to that point. Would I be willing to make those?” (do I have the time/resources/patience to deal with all the challenges of having a puppy? Do I want to pick up poop for the next 12 years?)
- “what do I have to do to get there?” (how do I get a puppy? how do I train it? take care of it?)
- “how would my life have to change to get there?” (do I need a new apartment? more time? money? etc.)
This exercise is super powerful because it can sort between deep soul level desires and “oh that looks nice but on second thought I don’t really want that” kind of desires. For example, I recently saw a gorgeous picture of someone traveling in East Asia. One of those “omgosh I want to be there.” However, I ran through my questions and I remembered how much of travel is the slog, the struggle, the expense, the exhaustion. I realized that I could enjoy someone’s photo without really wanting to go there and I didn’t really have to feel bad about not being there either.
Practice 3: Use Your Jealousy to Focus Your Desire
Ok, so you ran through the questions and maybe you realized that “holy shit this is the thing.” Maybe you saw someone working for themselves and you realized it was something you were called to do as well. You accounted for the sacrifices and they were more than worth it.
Well, first of all, that’s awesome. Rather than dwell on the whole “I don’t have this and she does” feeling, celebrate that you now know something you’re feeling called to. That’s actually kind of rare and magical. Whether it’s a puppy, a job, a kind of partner, a travel destination, to feel a deep intuitive soul level desire is amazing.
Your jealousy has been transformed into a goal, a vision. Once you start making plans you’ll be so focused on the good and the journey that the fact you don’t have it yet is kind of irrelevant.
Practice 4: Gratitude… aka be jealous of yourself
Ever stop to wonder if there’s someone out there jealous of you? Weird right? It’s true though. Even cooler, you can actually practice being jealous of yourself. A nicer way to say that is to be grateful. I’m going to get a little high vibe-y law of attraction on ya, but here we go. The more you appreciate exactly what you have and where you are, as well as appreciating your desires for leading you and all the cool stuff that hasn’t even happened yet, the more you notice and attract more of that energy. You’re basically singling to the universe that you’re a match for that good good.
Look around. Are you alive? Dope. Are you healthy? Amazing! Do you have some cool friends and a supportive family? Hells yes. Even little things like the comfy shirt you’re wearing, the iced coffee you’re sipping, and the sun that decided to come out today. All of it is miraculous, especially when you look at it that way.
If you don’t believe me, that’s ok. I don’t think I would have 5 years ago. I can say that practicing this kind of “I’m jealous of me”/appreciation celebration has brought some amazing things in my life. Most importantly? My ability to notice and appreciate when amazing things are in my life.
Practice 5: Imagine she’s your best friend
This is actually one of my favorite ways to reframe my jealousy. If I see someone I don’t really know get something I really want I try to imagine if she was my best friend or sister, someone I truly love. I send her a major wave of love and appreciation and I imagine celebrating with her. I think in my head “girl that’s so awesome, you’re a superstar and you totally deserve this!” It’s easier to say to a best friend. It’s also true. She did something right.
When I imagine my sister getting something amazing in her life I really don’t feel that same kind of jealousy. I just love her too much. I just want her to have everything. Imagine thinking that way about semi-strangers. It’s radical but it actually feels amazing.
This one can be hard to practice if you’re in a rough mood. I’d recommend doing something nice for yourself then trying it on.
Practice 6: Recognize When to Step Away
There will be days when none of this works. There will be days when you just don’t have the perspective and energy to practice ninja mind tricks on yourself and reframe negativity. That’s ok. In fact, it would be a little weird if you didn’t have these days.
On days when literally all the things suck and you feel all the feels and nothing is going right, don’t put yourself in a position to get triggered. When you feel like this do not go on Instagram. I repeat, when you feel like shit, do not go on Instagram. It will bring you down my friend. I love the ‘gram as much as the next girl, in fact, maybe I like it a little too much. That’s how I know on bad days I better stay away or else I’ll feel 10x worse about my own life in comparison to 375 other people’s lives (which of course in itself is a crazy unfair comparison.) YOu’re literally stacking up your life that you actually have to live next to the peaks of 375 people you don’t even really know. Yeah, it’s not gonna feel amazing when you don’t feel amazing.
When you’re feeling like you can’t reframe, just feel it. Then go do something that pulls you into the present. My recommendations are nature and dogs. Those two things have this superpower that just puts you right in your place and makes you feel hella grateful. And gratitude is the antidote to comparison.
Bonus: Use Instagram Like Amazon
This one is super fun, yet it’s important to be in a good high vibe mood first. Once you’re high flying open up Instagram or Pinterest and imagine you could order things like it was Amazon. I don’t just mean physical things, but feelings and experiences.
For example, say you see a photographer you really love. She has your dream client, shooting for some awesome brand in a really cool location.
First, send her a bunch of love and appreciation. She’s doing something really cool, have fun celebrating her. Then open up and let the universe feel your desire and appreciation. “I love that @cutainstachick is able to do something so awesome for her career. It looks like an incredible experience and something I’d really love. I appreciate that kind of experience exists on this planet. I’m excited to experience that myself. Thank you, universe for providing this to me. This will be so fun to watch it unfold.”
Ta-da! It’s like you hit the “buy now.” The big difference is “Universe Amazon” doesn’t have prime or 2-day shipping. It only ships when you’re ready. That’s kind of the fun part though.
Hopefully, these exercises will help you reframe the energy of jealousy into desire and hopefully manifestation. I know it really can sound crazy at times. I feel you. At the least, if it can help you feel better in the moment it’s worth a shot, right?
I’d love to hear if you practice any of these strategies and if they help!