Finding My Happy Weight and Learning to be Happy With It
Before I start, let me just say how hard it is to talk about your weight, as a woman. In fact, I was uncomfortable just writing that sentence. However, body image issues are so important to me and I’m blessed to have a platform where I can share my experience and my struggles. Ultimately, if I can make just one person feel better about themselves, feel like they aren’t alone, feel beautiful and confident and happy then putting myself out there is worth it.
So here it goes:
All our lives, we’re told that with enough hard work you can transform yourself to look however you want. Spend enough time, money, blood, sweat and tears and you too can have: a perfect butt, a flat tummy, a thigh gap, or whatever other body part we’re supposed to have a perfect version of. Not only that, but we’re also told that looking a certain way means you’re a certain kind of person: “If you’re skinny you’re healthy, if you’re muscular you’re hard working, and so on.”
And I totally bought it. I mean, it doesn’t take long to experience first hand, how much value is placed on a women’s appearance, especially her weight. Who hasn’t thought “if I only looked like X I’d get more: attention, respect, approval, etc.” I know I have. And the reason this whole fallacy is so harmful is that it conversely projects if you don’t look a certain way, that it’s by choice, not because you’re a unique human being with a unique body shape.
But guess what? That’s total bull shit. I spent far too many years, trying to fit myself into a box that I thought looked healthy on the outside. I treated my body like a math equation. I meticulously counted calories, measured ounces and portions to be a certain number on a scale that I thought I had to be. In my mind, healthy was defined by a number. If I could hit a number, I could be healthy, If I could be healthy, I could be happy. I allowed the calories I ate to dictate my self worth. I feared that if I gained weight (healthy or not) people would lose respect for me, that I wouldn’t be seen as healthy.
I wish I could tell you that a light bulb went off, that I had an epiphany, that one day I woke up and realized I was going about everything backwards, but there wasn’t one moment. Instead, it’s taken me years to flip my mentality inside out.
That’s where happy weight comes in. Your happy weight isn’t a number, but an equilibrium. It’s allowing your body to be itself. For some people, that’s tall and slim, or petite, or curvy, or athletic or whatever, the point is healthy isn’t one thing. It’s not one size or one shape or one weight.
To find my happy weight I had to forget about what I thought I had to look like. I had to reconcile that how I look is probably one of the least interesting thing about me. I have talents and passions and big dreams that are 1000% more worth my time than the box I was trying to fit in.
For me, finding my happy weight meant I had to stop counting. I had to stop counting every calorie I ate, measuring every portion and weighing myself. I haven’t stepped on a scale in over a year. I technically have no idea what my actual weight is right now, but I’m the happiest and healthiest inside and out.
I learned to move and sweat because it feels good. I learned to eat the food that makes me happy not because it had x amount of calories. It so happens that these foods that make me feel good are mostly veggies, nuts, fruit, beans, seeds, fish, eggs but once and a while they’re scones, grilled cheeses and margaritas. But because I’m taking care of my mental health, resting and nourishing my body those little indulgences balance out. My body wants to be at equilibrium and I’ve stopped fighting it.
I won’t tell you that finding your happy weight is easy. It’s not. But I can promise that it’s worth it. Why? Because I can promise that you’re worth it.
Your Turn:
- I don’t have any questions, but I’d love to hear your thoughts <3
This may be one of my favorite posts you’ve written. Learning to be happy with the body I have was not an overnight change. But it’s freeing to not always think about food and question if I’m making the “healthiest choice.” Life is too short to spend time wanting to change my body to match the unnecessary standards set in the media. No I don’t have big boobs or curves in the “right” places but I’m pretty darn proud of what I’ve got 🙂
Thank you so much Emily! Confidence is no easy feat when women are so often told not to be “too confident” which is total BS. We should all be proud of what we got.
Such an awesome post, and so many hugs to you for sharing. I’ve struggled in the same way, and coming out on the other side is one of the greatest feelings — but it doesn’t mean the frustration with how OTHER people feel the need to have opinions on our weight goes away!
HUGS! Ahh yes, I believe Kelly Clarkson recently had THE best response to a negative comment about her weight: “That’s because she doesn’t know me. I’m awesome! It doesn’t bother me. It’s a free world. Say what you will.” < wish I could have that kind of reaction to negative self talk
new reader, recovering from anorexia. love this post, so true! thank you for taking the time to write it & sharing 🙂
but seriously, where’d you get your guacamole shirt? i.need.that.
thanks love <3
Hi Amie! Thank you for stopping by. I’m so happy this post resonated with you. Certainly wasn’t easy to write, but it means so much that you commented and shared a piece of your OWN story<3 Oh the shirt is from this site: pyknic.com - love them!
Love this post!
After giving birth to my first child almost 6 months ago, I’m anxious to know my “new normal” and happy weight. My body’s not that much different (hips are a bit wider, and my stomach and arms are still carrying a little fat) but I’m almost positive I was underweight for MY frame when I got pregnant.
Life is so much more fulfilling when you ditch the scale, exercise for the fun of it, and eat whatever makes you feel best.
Yes! Once you learn that exercise is empowering and not a punishment it becomes a highlight not a dreaded activity. Who needs a scale? it just tells you how much force gravity is having on your body.
Also congrats on your baby! What an incredible gift that is to be able to have a child. Thanks for stopping by Catherine <3
I absolutely love this post. It’s SO true. I went through my restriction/ED days and they were so hard. But the recovery process was even harder for me. I wasn’t happy with my weight or with myself. I desperately wanted to go back to being “thin” even though I wasn’t healthy or happy there either. As soon as I let go and let myself eat cake and ice cream and pizza whenever I wanted, I realized I didn’t want them as often because they weren’t off limits. But more importantly, my body settled into a weight that feels natural to maintain, which is how I know I’ve found my “happy weight” once again. So happy for you and LOVE that you wrote this post. It’s not an easy subject to talk about but it’s so important.
Thank you Sarah! As I’ve told you before, your story is an inspiring one and one of many that helped me recover. Trying to let go of how I think I “should” look or how I used to look has been freeing and it helps me to live in the present versus constantly comparing myself to something I’m not anymore. Thank you for stopping by <3
This is truly an inspiring post for me. I am on a journey in which I am trying to find my “happy” weight. You are SO right when you say that it is not something that happens overnight. I haven’t stepped on a scale since October, and It’s been scary and freeing at the same time. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Like I said, just keep reminding yourself that you are worth it. Worth all the confidence, peace and HAPPINESS you deserve. Thanks so much for reading and sharing a piece of your journey<3
This is exactly what I needed to hear this week! For years i stressed and counted and while I have found that balance, the mindset sometimes skips a bit. Love this!
Trust me girl I know how that goes. Even when I find a balance it’s so easy to let a comment, an article, a photo, a memory trip me up. If you ever need a reminder how awesome and beautiful you are I’m always here.
I think this is my new favorite post you’ve written! I love your point that a happy weight isn’t a number necessarily, but an equilibrium. Such a great post!!
Thanks so much Liv <3 So happy this resonated
I love this post Georgie! I want everyone I know to read it because it is so spot on! Everyone woman struggles with all of these things and there’s so much freedom in letting it all go and just living. I used to be a calorie counter myself and it caused so much flippin stress and anxiety, I would never want anyone to live their entire lives like that. LOVE LOVE LOVE this so much!
Exactly! Once you taste the freedom of eating intuitively and learn that the sky won’t fall even if your pants fit differently it’s so hard imaging going back. Thank you so much for sharing, it means a lot coming from you because I LOVE your blog <3
I absolutely love this post! I know that as a teenager I was always set on having a certain weight and I used to weigh myself ALL THE TIME. When I finally realized that I was still healthy whether I gained a few pounds or lost a few, I stopped weighing myself and have been focusing on how I feel instead, because that is what makes me a whole lot happier than a number on the scale. Finding my happy weight has made me feel a lot more self confident about my body and instead of obsessing over calories, I can enjoy the foods that make my body happy.
So happy you could relate. It’s an amazing feeling to be able to stop and appreciate all the wonderful things your body does instead of trying to mold it into something it’s not. Thanks for reading <3
This is awesome Georgie! Thank you very much for sharing, I couldn’t agree more with you! I’m currently in the transition from IIFYM to just eating intuitively and just being happy with me 🙂 This couldn’t be more spot on! Thanks girl!
Thanks so much for stopping by Natalie! Once I gave up counting calories (it took a long time and dealing with plenty of anxiety and mental baggage) I felt free to listen to my body not an app on my phone.
Girl I love this!! YAY for not counting calories. …..yeah, I just said that. I was actually talking to a girl at work about this today–that you shouldn’t have to struggle or try to hard to look a certain way. Everyone’s body is different and, in the end, we should all be striving for our equilibrium. I love it.
Thanks Erin! I always love your thoughtful comments. It makes me pretty mad when I see all these fitness mags showing how to “get rid of trouble areas” or how to achieve a certain shape. I think it’s one of those things that gets easier as you get older and more comfortable in your skin.
You have come so far, Georgie! I love that you have ditched the scale- Gotta be comfortable in your own skin. It’s so true, about how it takes time to come around and realize that we have to know, trust, love and forgive ourselves- that is certainly finding, as you mentioned, equilibrium. btw, you’re way too young to have all this wisdom 😉
<3 You're a total inspiration for strength and confidence. Thank you for being there through all of it.
I LOVE THIS. I am still trying to get back to eating intuitively. It’s SO hard when you have a habit of calorie counting to get out of it. Any tips?
Best advice is to start small. Maybe give yourself 1 day a week where you don’t count calories. It doesn’t mean you have to eat any differently, just try not to calculate. As you get more comfortable add another day. Small steps are big wins in my book. Whenever I try to do something all or nothing I usually crash at some point.
This is just the best. As women, I think we have all had our own journey of figuring out where our happy place is for our bodies. I can so relate to you, food and exercise was once a complete numbers game for me too. The amount of peace and sanity that comes with letting your body be, and loving and accepting it is incredible. Thank you for posting this <3
Aw thank YOU Les for such a thoughtful comment. It’s not an easy thing to overcome and I certainly have setbacks but loving yourself is an awesome feeling.
I am putting this in my link love. You are inspiring, and it is always a pleasure to read other’s journeys to health. Lovely. Absolutely lovely.
Thank you so much Julia! I know how important hearing others’ stories was for me, so I hope I’m returning that favor. Thanks for stopping by the blog <3
I have been so busy it’s taken me too long to get on here and read this post. I am so glad I finally did. This was so beautifully written and I am so happy you shared it! I, too, struggled with the same issue. I’m not going to lie, I still do at times. The journey to your happy weight is a marathon, for sure. Thankfully we all have people to look up to, like yourself, for guidance 🙂 LOVED IT! YOU GO GIRL!
Thank you Christina for such a thoughtful comment. And yeah I still struggle a lot, but luckily I’m learning to cut those thoughts short instead of letting them spiral. Marathon is the right word… maybe even an Ultra for me, but I count myself so lucky to be surrounded by such supportive friends!
Beautiful post! I so needed this <3
Wow I am so jealous. You are SO SO SO beautiful and sparkling. I am coming from a low weight to get back to where I was before my eating disorder but feel like I will never look like a girl again, I worked out and gained muscle even as I lost weight so even at my lowest weight right now I look so muscular and I wish I could think that gaining would take me back to looking like a girls body again and softer and not like a lean muscled boy… Sorry I just went off on a tangent. Anyway yeah you are so gorgeous and it shines out of you
You hit it right on the nose, it’s a cross between happy and healthy and accepting it for what it is (okay, I paraphrased). My whole life, I struggled. I’m a human yo-yo, bouncing all over the scale. When I turned 45, I was like eff this…I’m chubby but I’m happy and to heck with worrying about it. Now that I’ve added working out to my daily routine, I’m still chubby and happy and..I’m getting stronger and healthier too. Which, makes me even happier!
Thanks for stopping by Melissa! Happy and healthy are the most important priorities, how your body adjusts after those two criteria are met is usually meant to be <3
Thank you so much for this because it is so true. I have struggled for so long and recently started to embrace who I am and the body I have. It feels good to take of it. And good luck I know this is no easy tasks by we are consistently learning day by day.
Thank you Jessica for sharing. You’re certainly not alone. So happy to hear that you’re embracing what you’ve got! It’s not always the smoothest path, but it’s so so worth it. Thanks for stopping by my blog <3
I love this post. I used to care what others thought about my body. But i learned to just ‘be happy’. Since being happy, i went from a size 16 to a size 8 in a year …
Its pays off to be happy.
Wow Leana, thank you for sharing this and for your kind words. It’s amazing what a positive mind set can lead to. No matter what shape you are it will never be enough if you’re not happy, which is why I believe that should be the FIRST thing to work on if you’re improving your health. <3
This IS so true and so hard. The journey is worth it. It’s frustrating, but I know that God worked all of it out for good in my life. <3
So I’m going to be 18 in about 10 weeks, and I admit I have had a small problem with eating a little more than I should (basically portion control) and eating too fast. I have gained and lost weight and then regained weight over the past couple years, and I want to lose at least 10 pounds to get back to the weight I was before, where I’m comfortable with myself. I’ve been a vegetarian since birth and I’m also gluten and dairy free bc of allergies. I’m super passionate about healthy eating but I’m ashamed that I’ve let my eating habits get out of control. I am a skinny girl, I always have been, but not lanky skinny, just skinny. But my thighs and stomach don’t show it. I’m also passionate about exercise, and I’ll run at night daily,and do aerobics during the day. Once I’ve lost the weight I plan on losing, how do I continue exercising without losing more and it being over done? Also my dad once told me I had an eating disorder, but I know I don’t. . Can’t wait to try your recipes! They look stunning!