This may come off as cynical, but if you read through to the end it gets positive, I promise.
Here’s The Reality:
Everything is everywhere all the time
Social media is a tool that allows us to project our lives and message in a whole host of ways.
We can project through text, image and video across the spectrum of “edited-ness”
Here’s What Happens:
Not our fault, we’re suckers for a “like”
Both consciously and unconsciously, as humans who crave affection and positive reinforcement, we project those parts of our lives and messages that are most appealing. We receive that positive reinforcement in the form of likes, shares and comments so we rinse and repeat.
Here’s What it Looks Like:
#Everythingisawesomeallthetime
We’re flooded with streams of our friends, families, acquaintances, co-workers, (in some cases fellow bloggers) best projections… many refer to it as “the highlight reel”
What We Do:
Make Shit Up
As humans who hate missing gaps of information we naturally craft bigger stories and connect these projections and form them into what we believe these people’s lives are. We think we’re connected and know what’s going on, when in reality we’ve just seen a couple pictures and clever captions. Not realizing it, we believe we know what they’re doing, how they feel about it and assume all the things that we would normally learn from talking to them, one-on-one.
Just want to pause to say I am not judging any of this good or bad, it’s just what happens. I do it. You do it. That girl from high school you barely talked to but still shows up in your feed does it. We’re humans. It happens.
How it Makes Us Feel:
Lame, Frustrated, Isolated, Lonely ect.
Doing what humans do, we compare our lives, not to the photos we saw, but to the imaginary life we put together for that person. Then we look at our own lives. How boring our commute is. How stinky co-worker Dan is, how lame our neighborhood is, how we don’t have a pug to cuddle with when we get home (ok that one is probably just me), how we haven’t made enough friends in our post-grad life, how no one has “put a ring on it” despite Beyonce’s clear and what I personally felt were urgent requests, the list goes on.
What We Do:
Feed the cycle
So of course next time we are doing something worthy of projecting (a concert, a trip, a sunset, eating a dope ice cream cone) we feel compelled to share. We have to receive that positive reinforcement and negate those feelings of lame-ness. Some days it’s more conscious than others. But it happens. And the cycle continues.
As a result… we crave realness.
So hard. Like any sign that someone isn’t perfect we eat that up. My most succesful blog posts are when I get real. On a national scale, look at the success of Aerie’s “real” campaign (btw pretty sure all human models are real… but that’s a rant for another day). Because it makes us feel like being real is ok. It makes us believe there might be a glimpse of hope that even though our life isn’t perfect like we believe everyone else’s is, it can still be good, in fact it can still be wonderful and crazy and magical and hard and sad and inspiring and ultimately worth living.
And when we get that injection of realness we’re a little more at ease. And maybe the next time we see that gorgeous sunset or have a special moment with someone we don’t feel as compelled to share. Because it was beautiful and special and magical but if only we know, that’s ok.
So what now? Are we not supposed to project anymore? No. I’m not saying that. That would be rather hypocritical as someone who works in social media. What I am saying is being real is super important. That doesn’t mean you have to share everything all the time. No, but maybe show some of the cracks in your life and that, despite that, your life is still magical and beautiful and worth living, but no, it’s not perfect.
Hope this made sense. It could be the ramblings of a mad woman, but I think you’ll get it because I think you feel this way too.
[Tweet “We’re craving realness: Why you should show the cracks.”]
In the spirit of “realness” I share with you exhibit A. what 95% of the selfies on my phone look like
Your Turn:
No specific question, but I’d love to hear your thoughts
0
This is why you’re my favorite. I’m pretty good at “seeing through” the fakeness of social media but it’s nice to have a reminder occasionally that life isn’t as perfect as a picture or caption may portray. Thanks for keeping it real!
I totally find myself falling into the trap, not wanting to show when I’m doing something that I think is “boring” but luckily this blog has helped me keep it real.
If we were on Facebook I’d complain about not being able to double- and triple-like your post. In words: Awesome. I absolutely, 100 % agree. I’ve written a few posts on my thoughts – the same as yours – on Instagram/social media before and actually, my Instagram feed is very real. I’m more of a word than picture person [also because my phone’s camera sucks] so all of my posts are my honest thoughts and opinions. If I have a bad day I’ll say it. Sure, I could post my lunch from that day and talk about how OMG deliiiish it was but really? That’s not me and I don’t want to have friends hiding their true feelings, either. Life isn’t sunshine and rainbows 24/7 and we should be honest about that. I’m glad you’re following that approach, too.
Thank you so much. You’re one of the realest out there. Seriously. And it builds SO much trust which is invaluable. <3
HAHA Oh my God if you could see my photos. Oh, and the dubsmash videos on my phone… may or may not share those on here soon ;D love this post!! <3
Haha I think a person’s camera roll, next to their google search history is probably the most incriminating pieces of evidence there are
I freaking love your “realness”!
Thanks so much Kaley!
I think being a blogger myself has helped me avoid the comparison game when it comes to social media. I’ve had all manner of things assumed about me from the minimal things I post, and hearing how absurd some of them can be just irons in the fact that you can’t know all there is to know about someone from a handful of pictures. What I am jealous of is people who have the patience to make their pictures all perfect. I try, buuuuut then I get distracted 😛
That’s a great point, being able to see it from the other side can remind you how little you know about others. thanks for stopping by Amanda
This is great! Some days I want to delete ALL the social media from my phone because all of this, intentional or not, is so true. I love keeping up with my friends/family/bloggers/etc. but at the end of the day, it’s essential to LIVE and not share everything! I’m sooo guilty of trying to document every little sunset/dinner/workout/witty saying that sometimes I forget to live in the moment or embrace the not-so-pretty moments in life. I realize my worth has nothing to do with the number of likes/shares I get, but it’s easy to get caught up in it anyway, especially when you compare yourself to those whose JOB is to share “perfect” images/content.
Thanks for sharing…I don’t think it was too cynical. 🙂
I’m super guilty too! In fact last night I couldn’t help myself, even after writing this post I HAD to take a picture of the sunset it was just too pretty. LOL but sometimes it’s good to get off the grid
This is why even as a blogger I don’t use social media when I’m not blogging. I don’t want to feel like I’m missing out on unrealistic perfection when otherwise I’m happy with my imperfect reality!
Such a great attitude and good for you for knowing what works for your happiness <3
TRUTH!!! Great post as always and so good to see you yesterday…Enjoy the rest of your time on the island and continue taking those awesome selfies! XOXO
Haha thanks Katie – it was so nice catching up and I look forward to more walks with our pups
I love your #realtalk posts, Georgie. Even though I definitely *know* it, it’s so great to have a reminder that no one else has their act together all of the time, either…even when it seems like they do!
I forget all the time that I’m not the one one who feels lonely/frustrated/not enough ect. so when people do share that in a positive constructive way it’s so refreshing. Thanks for stopping by Liv <3
I find myself trying to balance the complaining about stupid stuff to being positive and happy on social media and the blog. And I’m sure I fail regularly haha.
I like the idea of “showing the cracks.” Great points in this post, lady. I’ve seen a ton of blog posts about “being real” but this was a rare one that actually made sense (the whole “just be yourself” thing isn’t super helpful to me because I feel like “myself” changes based on my mood… if that makes any sense at all!).
this is why i rarely take selfies. LOL! Even your real selfie is awesome, i can’t compare to that STELLARNESS haha. But in all honesty, realness is something i yearn for each day. Humanness is needed to get up grounded. Amen!
Yes – to be able to share in someone’s journey, triumphs, failures and all – I love your blog because you share stories with depth and wisdom too <3
This makes so much sense. I’m so guilty of it all the time! But I think you nailed it when you said we don’t know how people’s lives really are. We put on our social media masks and edit out our flaws and we’re satisfied. So many feels right now, thank you for this Georgie I needed it!! 🙂
Thanks so much for stopping by Mariana – again I’m certainly guilty of this too – but the first step is acknowledging it’s happening
Such a liar. I saw you wearing a T-shirt made of splenda.
Just kidding and A-Bloody-Men. I’ve always preached authenticty and not projecting a perfect life perception. I had one reader tell me that the stories in my post were boring lol. I’m like…well deal with it, it’s my reality. Tw*t. 🙂
Heehee I love my splenda apparel
I’ve always loved your realness or as I like to call it rullness – when I read your post about recipe authenticy it had such an impact and really helped me set the bar for myself and my standards.
Also, if a person was bored they can leave, why waste their time to be rude *sigh*