Balance, The Double-Edged Sword
As I was driving home, the warmth of late spring sun still radiating on my skin, I felt a rush of emotions. That giddy sense of carefree happiness was suddenly dampened with pangs of guilt and confusion.
I had been avoiding confronting these feelings for a while, but finally it was in sharp focus: “ahh yes, this is what I’ve been missing for almost two years: a social life.”
For the first time in a long time, I’ve been able to get out of my own way and actually have a little fun, meet new friends, reconnect with old ones and turn down the incessant to-do list drumming in my ear at all times.
As a result, I’ve had more of those “carefree happy moments” in the past 3 months than I had in the past two years. My baseline happiness level would be unrecognizable to the Georgie I was 6 months ago.
Which is all fine and dandy but it comes at a cost.
A cost I had been trying to reconcile, or straight up deny, but that I knew in my gut was there from day one. The truth is: I owe much of my success in blogging to my relentless pursuit of growth and willingness to sacrifice what most people would consider a “normal” work life balance.
It wasn’t until I started dating again, that I realized I had pretty much been dating my blog. I was over there on a pretty little “I just want to be single” pedestal until I realized I had transferred all of my overthinking, hyper-focus tendencies to my bae: In it 4 the Long Run. I mean, I’m still living la vida soltera, but it was a pretty alarming realization when I understood just how much of my head space and mental energy has been devoted to this blog.
Before moving back home, I knew my life wasn’t really “balanced” by pretty much anyone’s definition. It looked a lot like this: wake up, gym, eat, job, blog, blog, eat, sleep, repeat. As a result, I was focused as hell and put all of my energy into that one thing. It also served as an excuse and escape from everything that I knew I had to deal with eventually; like you know, meeting new people, dealing with toxic relationships, figuring out the whole “how the eff do I do this this whole personal finance ish as a 20-something.”
And while I wasn’t always happy, I felt driven and purposeful and on a path I wanted to be on. I had my bullet proof excuse to run from everything else. I took pride in being unbalanced and I felt like I couldn’t step away. Any social FOMO was transferred to blogging FOMO. I never felt burnt out or tired of blogging. It’s one of those things that lit me up no matter what.
That kind of singular focus and drive does wonders for growth. I started earning an income from this thing I worked tirelessly at. I started building more connections online. I felt I had found a real cadence and voice. One area of my life was actually thriving: my blog.
When I decided to quit my job and leave Boston it was because of my blog. My plan for being on Nantucket for 10 months, working at a coffee shop and living at home felt like a recipe for more singular focus and an ability to create a spring board for taking In it 4 the Long Run to the next level.
But something truly unexpected started to happen.
Thanks to working at legitimately the happiest coffee shop on the planet (thanks Jason!) the good vibes just started rubbing off. I learned to actually enjoy small talk *gasp* which lead to actually making new friends *shocker* and bit by bit I came out of my introverted shell. Obviously, I still cherish my alone time, but I’m willing to get out of my comfort zone more and more knowing how great it feels to share a great conversation, a hug, a smile, an experience with other people. I think I’ve given (and received) more hugs in the past 6 months than I have in the last 6 years… I’m not kidding.
So here I am driving home in early June feeling conflicted. Loving the community of humans on this island, but feeling the ramifications of losing the singular focus. Knowing that maybe doing what I need to be happy will come at a cost to my short term success. It’s that uncomfortable falling back you feel on the seesaw watching as the other person rises up and you dip down. I’m just trying to figure out how I hard I want to push up again.
That’s the thing with balance. It’s not really ever balanced.
It’s tipping scales back and forth every day, every month, every season. Trying new weights every time as your life expands.
It’s the paradox of knowing that the only life you have is the one you are living right now, but being able live it for the long run. It’s YOLO and FOMO vs. sacrifice and hustle. You need them all but you can’t have them all. It’s being cool that you’re life is going to change and you’re going to change and your priorities are going to change and your definition of success and happiness is going to change.
I don’t have an answer necessarily for this conundrum. In fact I don’t think I ever will or anyone ever will.
But that’s what makes this whole life thing interesting, right?
TRUTH!!!!!! Even though we are about 10 years apart in age, I feel that we are going through the same things in this crazy amazing life and I am glad that I have you to open up to on our weekend conversations. You are so inspiring and truly an amazing friend…Cheers to living this summer and life to the fullest 30 miles out at sea! XOXO
“Balance is never really balanced.” YES! I’ve totally been feeling that lately, and this post came just in time. Also, that last picture is absolutely STUNNING. I’m hoping to get to Nantucket when I go to Boston for my dance intensive!
Loved this. I’m still in that work-all-the-time-no-social-life phase, and I know it isn’t sustainable. I’m at a point where if I have a fun, careless weekend (like a normal person), I get back to my work on Sunday or Monday feeling out of control and almost guilty for enjoying myself. Not good, but I keep reminding myself that this is temporary, and that I’m hunkering down no so that I can have more focus later on with a social life at the same time.
Uh YES. I think about how I “strive for balance” all the time, but it’s never *really* balanced. I hope there comes a time in my life when I just don’t even think about it too much (or at all) because, truthfully that would be balance to me. I always love these posts, Georgie xo
Love this! I can relate on so many levels. I’m still in school, but way too often I catch myself being 100% dedicated to school/work/running/blog that I don’t give myself room for a social life. I know it’s not sustainable, but I’m also not yet willing to give a lot of that up for a more “balanced” life. You nailed this topic perfectly!
Ugh yes. I think that balance is a thing everyone struggles with. I’m in a great place in my career right now, which means I’m spending less time on my blog. I’m also training for a half marathon and trying to work on the house I just bought, so finding time for a social life (or spending time with my new hubby) has been really tough! I wonder if anyone will really figure out how to balance things perfectly?
It truly is a balance that I feel never ends. Even with me working from home right now, I feel like I’m either doing too much or not enough. While I feel like I have gotten my weekends back to hangout with family/friends, I am still in transition mode and I’m having a hard time coming to terms with it all. I feel like I SHOULD be hustling on the weekends no matter what.
Anyways, as always, thanks for sharing your wisdom and awesome thoughts. Not sure what I’d do without them!
I realized something similar this spring when thinking about my blog. I was able to put SO MUCH effort into making it what I wanted it to be late last summer/early fall before I started my full time job (which is more 9 to whenever than 9 to 5…) and even in the autumn put a lot of weekend/night energy into it. But once the job really got going, and I found myself really focused on maintaining my relationship, job, and family time, I realized I just do not have the ability to put so much energy into it right now. So the seesaw of balance shifted to mean something different. I’m still trying to figure out where I want it to land in the end.
Yes! This is so true for me, and for a lot of us. I feel like I should be working all the time on my blog, but at the same time I still want to maintain a social life. I’m with Christina…if I have a really fun weekend and don’t get much done I feel guilty on Sunday night and Monday that I should of done so much work, but failed. Thanks for being real. I found you via the food entrepreneur summit and now BGB and love your writing style!
I did a reader survey form late last year on my blog and asked the question – what is the one thing you are struggling with right now that I can try to help with? Overwhelmingly, the answer was balance. I was blown away with how many people wanted advice on being balanced. I have been wanting to write a post on “balance” but I just cannot do it. Balance really is never balance, it is just finding the “balance” that works for you at the point in your life you are at. Love this post <3
Isn’t it amazing what hospitality can do to you? I work in this insanely stressful coffee shop/health cafe and whilst it’s made my life hell I have also gained the ability to enjoy the company of strangers to the point where I seek them to cheer me up. I am still very much an introvert, I saturate my need for social experience at work and come home and be completely independent. Whilst that’s unbalanced because I don’t spend enough time with the people who aren’t strangers to me, I feel pretty content sitting here reading your blog, on my own, in the park, in the sunshine, eating my salad. I don’t think I’ll ever find balance, but is it actually required for our happiness?
I love love love this post! I can totally relate. In May I had way to many social plans (from my definition) and I was constantly losing focus and couldn’t dedicate the time I wanted to my blog which was extremely frustrating to me. Now come June, I’m on over drive flooding with ideas and it’s hard to slow down, take things one step at a time and remember to have those social interactions. I am personally so proud of everything you do both on your blog, for the BBG Community, and from the glimpse I get at your behind the scenes life. My advice, slow down and enjoy your social life. Use their support to fuel your happiness because your blogging buddies will still be here for you 🙂
This is incredible. You have such a way of hitting the nail on the head with things I feel and think every damn day! It’s so nice knowing that EVERYONE goes through this. Thank you for writing this, it changed my day.
Love this. Thank you for sharing because it is something we can all relate to and often forget.
I think I am in the same situation right now. I know I put so much effort and time on my blog and I sacrifice social life, which I have but I could have more.
Thank you for writing it so well 🙂
Best wishes
Neghar Fonooni has written many times that she prefers the term “flow” to “balance” — because you can’t always be doing everything wonderfully, which is implicit in the idea of “balance” the way people use the term. But “flow” means that you remember to move from focusing on one thing to focusing on the other without getting stuck in a single gear. Reframing the challenge this way has made it seem much more approachable to me; and it sounds like you’re touching on exactly the same idea!
I like the term ‘flow’! Living near the sea makes this a great metaphor –
Preach!!!!! i can resonate a lot with you on all of the above..mostly for me, its the fitness right now. i have always put workout as my priority but in order to make that, i had to sacrifice on other things – leave work early, stay up late, wake up early, miss social events etc. lately, i have made a mental shift to enjoy other things in life – focus more on whats making me happy vs. what i think is a MUST. its a different type of balance and I love it. I m sure i will get back to exercise soon but want to take my time..
YES. This is TRUE Georgie. Balance is so different for everyone, and life changes all the time. I love the joy that radiates through your blog, and I think you’re doing the right things. Your refreshment pours through each blog post, because you are immersed in enjoying real life, enjoying people and investing in people. Lately I’ve been struggling with balancing really investing personally in people and a little too sucked in by online blog work, so this was good kick at me to go GIVE MORE HUGS. And I want to give you a hug… I like hugs so much. 🙂 You are connecting. You’re learning. You’re growing, and we even get the privilege of learning right along side you which is just so awesome.
I was just telling my husband the other day that it’s fine when he goes out of town for work bc then I feel like I can get even more blog work done haha. You’re right; it never feels like work and sometimes I get annoyed at having to work in time with others. If I were single I would just work on the blog and things I love all the time which isn’t necessarily a good thing, so I guess it helps that he’s here to force me to step back now and then
Every bit of this. I’ve been on the opposite path letting my perfectionist fade to social graces but dealing with them can be hard and I often want to lose myself in work or working out but remembering balance is important !
This post was amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings. “Balance” – what even is it? I feel like we have all been conditioned to feel like we have to find it, that there IS a way to do it all and have it all, and we just have to figure it out. But I’m not sure if that’s true. I think maybe throughout life our priorities just have to constantly shift and change. It’s okay to not be able to do everything and have everything perfectly balanced at one time. Instead, it might just be about taking it a day at a time and doing what is best for you in the moment. Things eventually even out. 🙂
I can 100 percent relate to this post! It is so hard to balance a social life and work, especially when you absolutely love what you do and really do want to work every day of the week. I don’t really have any answers yet haha and probably never will. But thank you for this beautifully written post! 🙂
I’m so glad you wrote this post. I have been feeling the same way lately: turning down experiences in order to shoot a recipe, going grocery shopping instead of taking a much needed nap, or even staying at home to write posts instead of going out to eat with friends. This post made me realize that my blog is not everything. The images I see through my screen are not the real world, although sometimes I wish they were. Last night, I challenged myself to break free from the personal chains that I put on myself to hang out with friends. IT WAS MUCH NEEDED. Having personal connections makes life so much more meaningful, and my goal for this next month is to focus on doing this. You are amazing Georgie, and you are truly an inspiration. (and thanks for holding out through my personal rant.) 🙂 <3
I absolutely love this and I think that it resonates with so many people! One thing that I’ve struggled with balancing in the past couple of years is schoolwork at college. I was one of those people who was never satisfied with what I’d done on a paper or problem set or studying for an exam unless I’d spent the maximum time possible on it. It’s really hard to break away from that kind of imbalance and perfectionism, no matter what it’s directed towards! I’m so happy to hear that you are finding people who make you happy to be around them. 🙂
Couldn’t have said any of this better myself. Seriously! It’s something I struggle with on the daily (don’t we all?!). I’m studying to be a Registered Dietitian, I write my blog, I am in the Food Entrepreneur Summit, I want to launch a business in the near future, I have goals!! BUT I also have a husband and a dog and wonderful friends and I live in Colorado and want to go hiking…I’m always thinking “where do I draw the line?” Luckily, my husband keeps things real and has no issues telling me “hey…you have been sitting behind that computer a bit too much, let’s go enjoy life” and also telling me “we have some really fun things coming up, why don’t you spend a little extra time working these next couple of days so we can enjoy them.” Yep, he’s pretty great and I don’t know that my life would be anywhere close to balanced without his great reminders. I’m so glad you wrote this post. I hope you find a little more balance, and enjoy all of those wonderful relationships you have gained!! 🙂
This post is AMAZING. “Balanced is never really balanced”- loved this and it was so eye opening for me! You are a big inspiration to me Georgie. I really resonated with this and found myself nodding my head while I was reading. Thank you for this and for being so honest in this post!
Thank you for writing this, Georgie. You totally hit the nail on the head for how I’ve been feeling – not just with my blog, but for basically my whole life. I’m a work-work-work, never-stop type of person, so if I’m not doing something that’s getting me closer to where I want to be (the college I want to be at, the career I want, etc), then I’m wasting time. But what about the other thing I want to be – happy? Am I doing what I need to get there? Sometimes, no. I really don’t have much of a social life, and most of my life is consumed by blogging or working. Which I love – I truly love what I do. But I know I need to explore interests and passions outside of those spaces so 1. I don’t get burnt out, and 2. I don’t look back and regret not doing anything besides sitting behind my computer. Balance – it truly is elusive.
Yes Georgie! I loved reading this. It was so brilliantly written 🙂
Its funny how life works isn’t it and it made me smile that you are making new friends and enjoying your time where you are. Life works in mysterious ways…
I think you totally hit the nail on the head with balance. It is everrrrr changing and the definition of what it means to us will constantly change to with each season of life! Just keep going with your gut and do whats right for you 🙂
…sounds like you’re going to leave blogging?
I’m in a huge mindset of wanting to be single right now, but I think I’m projecting that ideology onto myself because of the fear of the unknown. Being single is comfortable. I’m in my own routine and oddest need to worry about other people and their feelings. Selfish, I know, but it’s something I’m trying to face as you are too! I want to date and be out there. I need to get out of my own way. Thank you for starting this dialogue Georgie! It really helped me realize something that’s been on my own mind as well.
You are so smart, Georgie. I loved reading this. Glad you’re happy 🙂
Wow. This is such great insight! It is so true that balance is forever changing and has different meanings for everyone. I’m so happy that you are able to see that you’re giving yourself the chance to explore different aspects of your own definition of “balance”. Thanks for this post, it really got me thinking about balance in my own life!