If You Cry Easily, You’re Not “Too Emotional” and You’re Not Alone

You know those embarrassing quirks you have? The ones that you semi-successfully try to hide in your day-to-day interactions. The ones you don’t proudly associate with. The cool part about this whole internet thing is I’ve learned that we’re actually not as unique as we think we are. Those quirks are actually things that invisibly bond us to a hoard of other wonderful weirdos.

After almost five years of blogging, I realized there was this quirk I haven’t really shared. Probably because it doesn’t fall under the “wellness” category. Yet it’s something I have a hunch I’m not alone on and it’s also something I still carry a surprising amount of shame around.

In fact, I was moved to share this post when I heard a podcast interview with a powerful, intelligent, female political strategist. She talked about her experience with the same thing. I can’t tell you how much relief and connection I felt after hearing her story and I knew then, I had to pay it forward.

The truth is, I’m a crier.

I’m moved to tears easily… and quickly.

If you’re a fellow easy crier, you know the shame and dread that accompanies the tightness in your throat, the dry mouth and your swelling eyes. Like fuck, really again? Over this?

It stings because crying is perceived as such an intense reaction. While I do feel my feelings intensely, I don’t always want them to show. I want to be able to hold my cards close to my chest. But in my experience, as soon as you cry in front of someone (when you’re trying not to) it’s an instant shot of shame and smallness.

I think what really throws me for a loop about crying is how in conflict it is with my need for control. I’m one of those people who craves as much control as possible. I want to be perceived as someone who always has everything “under control.” Crying is definitely something I can’t always control. No amount of sheer willpower or brute strength can stop the tears from welling up if they’re on their way, trust me I have tried.

Oh, the places I’ve cried…

I barely have to sit down in therapy and suddenly I’m three tissues deep. When I hear an amazing song? Yeah, it’s happened. When I write something deeply important? Yup. When I speak about something that greatly moves me? Ugh, yes. Inspiring talks, movies or stories? Yuuuup.

One of my most embarrassing cries was while I was quitting my first job. I imagined quitting for months. I had hoped it would be a respectful and triumphant moment of freedom. What I wanted was to be in total control. But instead, I got choked up from all the anxiety and made a damn fool of myself.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to tell someone “oh don’t pay attention, I know I’m crying but I’m totally fine.” I’ve cried while speaking on stage, in front of strangers, with my friends, co-workers, classmates, teachers. And when it happens, in those almost always inopportune moments, I just want to scream “UGH.”

In an Ideal World

In an ideal world, there wouldn’t be so much judgment and shame around crying. It would be filed under “normal displays of emotion” next to yelling and laughing. It wouldn’t have the same stigma and association with weakness.

But until then, I want to shine some light on how much shame we do carry for crying. I believe our capacity to feel is one of our greatest strengths. In my experience, crying is one of the most powerful ways I know to release and move through emotion. It can be messy, beautiful, embarrassing, unavoidable and cathartic.

If you’re also easily moved to tears, know that you’re not crazy, weak or “too emotional.” I’ve got a tissue ready and zero judgment.

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