Highlights and Lessons Learned from Having an Intimate and DIY Wedding

Sharing what we learned and our favorite details from our magical intimate DIY wedding.

So excited to share this post today. Like beaming.

I never thought I would say this, but honestly, our wedding day was one of the best days of our lives. It wasn’t because of any dreamy dress, a diamond ring (in fact, my ring isn’t a diamond at all), a fancy tent, or the perfect photographs.

Instead, it was so magical because it was a celebration of two souls coming together. It was a celebration of love and of all the people it takes to support that kind of love. Our wedding was the best day because I love the people in our lives, and I love my husband so much. It was the best because of the people who have shown up for us our entire lives and their willingness to support, celebrate and love us unconditionally. And on June 23rd everyone showed up in the most incredible of ways.

And on that day, we received it all. We soaked it all in. We feel the afterglow now and we know we’ll feel it our entire marriage. To know that not only are Chris and I a team, but we have a backyard full of cheerleaders is everything.

So in a lot of ways, it was the best day of our lives, and also it gave us the fuel to make every day special too.

 

But lets back up….

I was never the kinda gal who dreamed about her prince or fairy tale ending. I was pretty sure I wanted to be married, but I definitely didn’t care whether I had a wedding or not.

So when Chris and I got engaged, right away I planted the seeds of eloping because I didn’t want the hassle of a wedding.

While I tell people it was my sister who convinced me (and then us) to have a wedding, I think there was a part of me that realized how nice it would be to celebrate with a small group of people.

So we set the date —> June 23, 2018

What We Learned from Planning a DIY Wedding

If I had a dollar for every time I told someone our wedding was going to be “super low key” we’d be ballin’ out. Quickly, I realized how little I cared about the details and the aesthetics of the day. From the few weddings I had attended, the things I loved and remembered were always related to how I felt, not a piece of decoration.

During the planning process, I felt at a loss when it came to tips or inspiration for brides who just weren’t super interested in their place settings. So today I’m sharing some tips for any low key brides out there who want to have an intimate celebration.

Also, this is not here to judge anyone who has had or wants to have a larger or more traditional wedding. Those are absolutely beautiful celebrations. At the end of the day, you do you. I’m just here to maybe lend some guidance to gals like me who want something with no frills.

btw…I called our vibe “backyard boho”

1.) Before you start planning, prioritize

This was hands down the best thing we did in terms of planning. Chris and I discussed the few things that really mattered to both of us. It helped us make so many decisions.

Our overall goal was to create a wedding that celebrated and involved everyone. We wanted an open welcoming feeling. I wanted every guest to feel connected and included.

We cared about creating beautiful vows, we wanted a very small group of people, we wanted the day to be fun and relaxed, we needed a tent and we wanted to look hella fresh (aka I was willing to spend a little for my bouquet, dress, and hair).

As I look back, I realize how short the priority list was. It really was just about having a special day. The details were just details.

2.) Your partner’s opinion is the most important

Maybe this is a no-brainer, hopefully, it is… but at the end of the day, it is about the two of you. Focus on staying on the same team and everything else becomes more manageable.

3.) Focus on the feel over the details

Because we kept the guest list small, we were very focused on making those people feel welcome, special and included in the day. We thought way more about everyone’s experience coming to Nantucket than we did about what the tables would look like.

Something I loved about having such a small wedding was actually hanging out with my people. It was easy to greet everyone and actually have sweet memories with them versus a quick hello and then moving on. Oh and I actually got to hang out with my husband.

Also for the record, there were a lot of details that I had planned that did NOT go as I had expected. Little things like decorations and who’s getting their hair done when and where. However, I handed off so many things the day of that when it came down to it, I didn’t care AT ALL that the rug I wanted under the altar wasn’t there.

I LOVE a good surprise so I favored letting people have jobs and feel included over micromanaging the result. So when I came into the tent after taking photos I was in awe of how everything looked. So many details were surprises because I let the people I love take care of them. It felt like they all had handprints on our day. My best friend’s boyfriend made an incredible cheese plate (unfortunately I didn’t get to dive in) but I know they had a blast putting it together. I even forgot to bring my bouquet to the ceremony… lol. And honestly, none of it mattered. This is all to say it’s ok if things get messed up. I promise it won’t even cross your radar. More likely than not it will become a fun and funny memory. It’s all about the love, everything else is icing on the cake… or in our instance the special ice cream that was brought as a total surprise!

4.) The process doesn’t have to be all stressful and it’s also perfectly ok if it is

The wedding planning process can be a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Everyone’s experience will be different so honor yours and know it’s valid. If you aren’t super stressed that’s amazing. If you do end up getting stressed that’s totally ok. Neither is right or wrong.

This was my rollercoaster of emotions over the 6ish months we took to plan:

• I’m so lost I hate planning events where do I even start
• Hey this isn’t so bad, why does everyone freak out
• Oh, my god, this is so overwhelming I don’t care about any of these details… am I supposed to?
• I feel like I’m missing something? Am I super behind?
• What do 50 people even look like… (then I literally googled that with my sister… it wasn’t helpful)
• Ok, we got this
• Why does everyone have an opinion?!
• Are we too low key? Did I forget something huge?
• My head is swirling I cannot handle details
• Thank god for my sister (I thought this at least 1 million times during the process)

5.) Pick your battles

There are a lot of choices you’re going to make even for the lowest key brides and grooms. You still have to consider the details even if you don’t care about them that much. With that said, most things don’t have to be a battle especially if you know where your priorities are as a couple and financially.

One battle I dropped (and I’m so grateful I did) was hiring someone to help us with serving drinks. Chris and I both didn’t think we needed to hire anyone to help, but it was something my mom was really insistent on. Finally, I let it go, and it turned out to be a great addition and we so appreciated having her extra help there. It all goes back to whether something is a priority or not and whether the fight is even worth having.

[below are my ladies & my immediate family – Nellie’s fiance Sam, my sister Nellie, my mom, my stepdad, me, Chris, my brother Ben & my dad]

6.) Find someone in your squad who’s organized (if it’s not you)

If you’re a detail kinda gal you are going to be loving this or at least thriving. For me, I’m all about the “vibe” and “big picture” and my brain just struggles to think of logistics. Thank god I have my sister who literally called me a couple weeks in advance to let me know she had white boarded our wedding and she made the most dope spreadsheet. Also props to Marlee, who’s basically my sister and a logistics wizard. Find yourself a Nellie (or Marlee). If you don’t have one in your inner circle, I’d recommend finding a day of planner who can take the last minute stress off your plate.

7.) Keep your expectations open

I say this in the most positive way, but I really didn’t have a strong vision of the day. And because of that, it was incredible and more amazing than I could have envisioned on my own. I don’t like saying lower expectations, rather keep those expectations open. Trying to curate a perfect day to the last second leads to disappointment. Instead, give yourself just enough structure to be comfortable and clear then watch as the wedding day magic unfolds.

Keeping expectations open was a huge theme for us because of the weather. 10 days out it looked like it was going to be a beautiful day, which was going to be amazing because our wedding was in a backyard. As our day got closer the weather got worse… and worse… and worse.

I was freaking out about how the day would be ruined. I was so upset. Embarrassingly so. I think I was also just emotional about getting married in general, but it was so hard to watch as the ONE thing I had no control over was going to literally rain on our parade.

Finally, I surrendered. I let go of expectations. I knew there was no point in fighting anymore.

The morning of our wedding it poured. Poured. Then right before the ceremony, the skies cleared. We rushed to get all the chairs out from under our small tent into the side yard and it was a beautiful grey moody day (also amazing for photos). It was truly magical.

And if I had held too tightly, I couldn’t have experienced that true joy and wonder. There were SO many examples of things like that. Things that were up in the air and at the last minute came together more beautifully than I could have ever planned.

At the end of the day, I told my sister “I’m not a planner, but even if I was, I couldn’t have dreamed up a day as magical as this, I’m so grateful it unfolded in this way.”

8.) It’s ok if the day before your wedding, you’re pretty sure the world might crumble

The day of our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner I was a mess. Everything was going late, people were overwhelmed it was just a lot for a lot of reasons. I was doing the thing where I try to mitigate everyone’s feelings and make everyone happy (it doesn’t work).

Then I had a moment that night wondering if it was all a mistake. I was afraid I dragged my husband into something he didn’t sign up for. I was so afraid I was letting everyone down.

Looking back, it makes sense that there was just a lot going on for everyone. It’s ok if the day before feels chaotic and out of control. It reminded me of my days in the theatre when the dress rehearsal was just a mess but that showtime magic kicks in.

Shoutout to Deanna & Grant for being so supportive and non-judgemental throughout my emotional rollercoaster of a week

9.) Your mom (or dad or sister) is probably right

My mom was right. I’m so grateful for everything she did for us. I feel like I was not the kindest to her at times and ignored a lot of her sage advice…. Like hem your dress…. lol

10.) People will have advice, you don’t have to act on it

Other than your mom, who you should maybe listen to more, everyone else will have advice too. Listen kindly, only take in what actually resonates. It comes from a place of love and excitement, but typically it’s way out of context. Every couple is so different so what works for me will be so different from you.

With all that said feel free to ditch anything, I said if it doesn’t jive with you.

 

Things We’re Most Grateful For About Our Wedding

• Honestly, our day was just so magical. I know that sounds so cheesy but there’s no better word. So many people in my family and so many of my friends just helped and loved in ways I didn’t ever expect.
• My sister, my godparents and my mom deserve medals for everything they did. They went WAY above and beyond the call of duty. I don’t think I could have had SUCH a DIY wedding without them.
• I also have to give a GIGANTIC shoutout to our wedding videographers [Harrison Wedding Films] who truly became family by the time they left. We connected in a beautifully serendipitous way. Having a wedding video was something I did really want and they made it possible for us. They were so mindful, flexible, non-intrusive and organic. They understood Chris and I as a couple and adapted.
  • If you are engaged and looking for a videographer I can’t recommend Grant & Deana enough.

  A post shared by Deanna & Grant (@harrisonweddingfilms) on Jul 1, 2018 at 8:48am PDT

• Chris and I are so grateful for all of our friends and family who took the ferry or the plane to make it to a little island 30 miles out to sea.
• We’re so so grateful that my sister’s fiancé Sam [aka my coffee dealer and soon to be brother] stepped up and officiated with only 2 weeks notice… [did I say it was last minute 😉 ]

 

 

My favorite DIY details

• Our venue was my parent’s backyard on Nantucket – if you are doing outdoors definitely get a tent – we skipped the dance floor and the yard didn’t get too torn up and it saved a ton of money
• Pizza for dinner was our smartest move. Pretty sure it was Sophie T’s first wedding catering gig
• Chris’s students built us an archway that Nellie and I decorated with fake vines from Michael’s
• My cousin KILLED it with her amazing makeup skills, I couldn’t have asked for someone better
• More of Chris’s students and our family friend Steve Tornovish ROCKED out as our wedding band
• Sam Kjellberg, my sister’s fiancé was our officiant and we couldn’t have asked for better

  

Some of Our Favorite Moments

• When my stepdad Mike first saw me, he looked over and just said “ahhmazing” he’s a man of few words and I’ll never forget that.
• My sister sang our song “devotion” by Ellie Goulding during the ceremony and had me bawling
• Right after that song our family’s dog, Millie, walked in the middle of the aisle and curled up on the rugs we laid out. She added some much needed comedic relief.
• Everyone’s toasts (we had a lot which I LOVED) were just incredibly moving and hilarious and authentic. I was just blown away.
• My dad got into a harmonica battle with band frontman Steve Tuna and it was epic!
• My family and friends staying for a couple days post-wedding and just playing cornhole and watching the world cup in post-wedding bliss
• Watching my brother Ben on the dance floor was amazing. I’ve never seen him bust a move like that and it was just incredible.

Chris’s Thoughts

It goes by so fast.  The 6 months of anticipation, planning, and all the anxiety that comes with it did affect my mood.  However, once the vows were exchanged I felt so much lighter, which told me that that was the most important moment. When Sam pronounced Georgie and me husband and wife, I kissed Georgie, and the feeling that I had cannot be translated into words. The process of getting married can seem gigantic. Keeping in mind that your wedding day only amounts to a few hours of your relationship, can help keep you in the right frame of mind for the most part.

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Our day was beautiful. I’m so grateful it happened the way it did and I’m also just so happy to be married and have the planning behind us.

Thank you for letting me share this special day with you.

Vendors

Videography: Harrison Films

Photography: Emily Mentes

Dress: Bhldn

Shoes: Uggs

Venue: My parent’s house

Catering: Sophie T’s Pizza

Flowers: Betsy Brooks

Hair: Melissa & David Salon

Makeup: My amazing cousin McKenzie

Band: Wake Up [aka Tuna and the Teens aka Chris’s students]

A note about working with your vendors whether they are family, friends, paid,  or bartered with…. in my experience get on the same page, then don’t micromanage. For everyone I worked with I found people I truly loved and trusted. I let them know the vibe and then let them work their magic. I find the more you can trust a professional and the more kindness and freedom you give them the more amazing the result. I was blown away by everyone. All my expectations were blown out of the water because we let them work their magic.

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