I’ve had this post sitting in drafts for weeks. Not really sure how, when or even if I should share it. I’ve been afraid that if I hit publish I turn a problem that’s been in my head into a real problem. Something that other people can see. I’m afraid by sharing this, I slap a label on my forehead. I also slap a label on my mind and close myself off to growth, in favor of being defined. Those are my fears.
At the same time, I don’t want this to go unsaid. Sure, I don’t want to really say it either, but the bigger part of me feels like if I say nothing I’m being dishonest by omission.
So here it is. Here’s where I’ve been at currently…
I’ve been feeling a little off, a little lost, and a little not quite sure how to share what I’m going through. So rather than push myself to be thoughtful and inspirational, I’m practicing just allowing myself to be right here in this place of uncertainty.
The thing about writing a blog where the goal is to help people [and is kinda about your life] is that you just can’t fake it.
I don’t always know what, or how to share when I’m in this place of… depression… ooph. I’ve dealt with depression at other points in my life but that word always felt like it was my past. I’ve been pushing away that word “depression” because this time around doesn’t feel like it did before. It feels more normal, more manageable and in a lot of ways more hidden. It’s like downgrading a hurricane to a storm. And because it’s not a hurricane, how can it still be depression? Isn’t it funny how we can even feel like our depression isn’t good enough? Ha!
I’ve hemmed and hawed about even sharing this at all. How is this useful for other people? Is this self-indulgent? Is this throwing an unnecessary label on myself? At the same time, I always want to be genuine and honest about my life, for you and definitely for me.
Basically what I’m trying to say is that I’m feeling lost, I’m working through my depression, and I’m learning that it’s ok to be here. I’m giving myself space and creating boundaries before I share my journey or a solution. I’m learning to ask for help from my inner circle before sharing on the internet [a classic millennial mental health problem ammirite?] I’m not going anywhere and my depression certainly doesn’t make me a different person. I’m not trying to share any answers or insight right now, just where I’m at.
I hope by sharing this, I can give you that permission, too. Permission to not always need to know exactly why everything is happening or to have to wrap a pretty bow around a part of your life before you’ve gotten through it. It’s ok to be in the uncomfortable grey for a while. To not know the answers yet. To not have learned the lesson yet. To ask for more space and compassion.
Also, because I don’t want anyone to worry: I’m ok, I’ll be ok. I’ve been down this road before. I have a great therapist, a supportive husband, and a loving family and friend group. Depression sucks but I’m in a good place. I have the privilege of being a high functioning depressed person. A big part of me wants to hide behind that mask and wait until the storm blows over. I don’t want pity. But more than that I don’t want other people struggling to feel alone and I’ve gotten tired of faking it. I guess if any good can come out of this is that I can show that not all depressed people look or act the same.
If you’re not feeling great pleaaaase ask for help <3 It’s a sign of strength, bravery and it’s the smartest thing you can do. There’s no prize or praise for the person who struggles alone.
Love this community. Thanks for always having my back. I’m not going anywhere, but my main priority is my mental health right now.
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Thank you so much for sharing this Georgie! I hope just by posting this you can see how many people care and appreciate your openness. Just like in your most recent podcast, you mentioned that not everyone will have the answer to your problem when you share it, but they can still appreciate its impact. It’s truly so helpful to know that even someone as joy-filled as you can still have seasons, including seasons of depression. Thank you so much for speaking about this, Georgie! I hope it has lifted a weight off your shoulders, and that the responses I know you will get will bring some light into your day. I think I speak for all your readers when I say that you have influenced our lives for the better. We’re all here for you, good or bad. <3
Hi Georgie; I’ve discovered your podcast recently and I’m loving every part of it. Your Instagram account and this blog are awesome. Thanks for sharing these thoughts. I feel this general feeling that you have to be strong, deal with whatever is going on with you (i.e depression, sadness, being lost, etc.) and fix it asap so you can show the world how happy and fulfilled you are. I resonate so much with this post as I’m learning how to be ok with whatever I am going through at each moment. Although my ego wants me to “deal with it and get over it now” my inner being is asking me for patience and love. I’m so glad I found your blog. I’m sending all my support and love 🙂
Thank you so much! I just got diagnosed with depression, also high-functioning. I live overseas and run a college ministry, and recently shared with the whole group as well in a message, and though I’m not healed or in the middle of it, I was still able to bring healing to some girls at our group. Excited to virtually walk this journey with you!
I am right there with you, Georgie. I am 100% a high functioning depressive person…until I’m not. And pushing myself too far has landed me in terrible places in the past. I am happy you’re working with a team and I hope this tough season passes for you soon. Always here if you need to talk because I think we have a lot in common.
Oh Georgie…thank you. Thank you for your bravery, your honesty, your real-ness…for being raw and oh so You. For naming something without a name. I’ve been feeling this way too. And already feeling this way, I lost one of my best friends to suicide last week and life has just been…I don’t know. Confusing. Devastating. Exhausting. I get notifications when you post on IG. Your beautiful pics give me something to look forward to. To aspire to in my creative endeavors. And your honesty today…made me feel so less alone. So thank you thank you thank you xoxoxo
Hi Georgie,
Just started listening to your podcast recently and just wanted to say thanks! 🙂 Love your honesty and the way you clearly care about listeners. In particular I enjoyed episode 71, about finding purpose in your career and letting go of limiting beliefs (I like the idea of treating your thoughts as kindly as you would puppies).
I really resonate with this post, having gone through a difficult year myself. You’re, right, we don’t do ourselves any favours by struggling alone. Thank you for so thoughtfully and bravely sharing your thoughts on this:)
A big hug,
Roshan
I absolutely love how real this post is. You are an inspiration, so authentic and honest. Thankyou for continuing to put your time and hard efforts into making such amazing content. I always enjoy reading and listening to your stuff. Always remember this during your dark times – You are loved, and you have made a difference in many lives. Thankyou Georgie!
Sending you lots of love <3 And on the topic of whether or not this is helpful or inspiring for others IT IS! I know for me I get really down on myself if I'm not feeling like my best, shiniest, self 100% of the time. I start to freak out that there's something I need to change in my life ASAP. It's always comforting to hear other people experience these highs and lows. These meh moments. So thank you for sharing this realness
Sending you love Georgie. I am not sure if this will help, but when I feel similarly (as I have up until very very recently), these two quotes help a lot.
“Nothing can dim the light that shines within.”
and
“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
I know you know this, but this is temporary and just part of the journey. Take care of yourself <3
❤️
YES! I totally get that. Recently in my life I started to deal with anxiety. I had never really understood that before now. I have had friends who had anxiety, but had never really understood what it was like up until now, and because of that I started to feel like my anxiety wasn’t “enough anxiety” to be called anxiety. Like because it was something I was recently struggling with that the feeling was less than others who had been struggling longer. It’s crazy how we all compare even our struggles with the struggles of others. Now, I am very blessed to say that I’m working though it and making steps in the right direction, but those emotions are all still valid. Just because someone else also has felt those it shouldn’t separate us, it should aid us in supporting each other!